Shabbat shalom!

Things are progressing at Beit Daniel. I am now singing parts of every Friday evening service, and attending Saturday morning and Musaf services regularly, learning the "flow" of the services.

It has been a little frustrating, because I have had trouble connecting with the rabbi about my services, and I like to KNOW what I am doing (even though I seldom do!)

I had been trying to confirm my next solo service, unsuccessfully for 2 weeks. And last week I still had not heard from them, but I dressed and put on a good attitude and went for the choir "audition" for the rabbi and cantor. For the service itself, I was prepared to do MiChamocha and Hashkiveinu (a new one I have been working on for weeks.) But I didn't know if they wanted me to do them or what!

I have this vision of myself at that person--the one nobody really wants but who nobody has the guts to tell them. But still I go.

The choir was good, rabbi and cantor very happy. After, I talked to the rabbi--he hadn't received any of my messages!!! He asked me to be patient and that we would continue to do parts of the service for a while--so OK!! Then I talked to the cantor about the service later that evening, he said my choices were fine, and that I should be prepared to step in because he was sick! I said, "sure!!" (But you simply cannot imagine how terrified I became at that moment!)

But the cantor did fine, the old performance adrenalin that has served me so well served him too! So at the appropriate time I went up and did the one Nick and I did the whole last year I was at TBS. I did it the other service, too, and it was new, but people got it by the end. But that was months ago, and I didn't know if they would sing. But they did!! And smiled, and then I chazzaned the last part of MiCham. and went into the new Hashkiveinu...they loved that too! I got ready to go back to my seat, but the cantor said, "Hey--do VeShamru, too!" So I said "sure!," and everybody had a chuckle, we sang, and then I was done! Whew...

After the service, lots of strokes. I guess I really am on the team. I really can't express how terrifying this is. All the people from my past who told me I couldn't do the things I wanted to do are still in my head. The fact that I converted, that I don't know anything, that I have no business even trying this...it's all there, never goes away. I know there is no "lightening bolt" but still I wait for it!

This morning I arrived a little late, walked into the sanctuary, and the rabbi and cantor were talking with a guy who had his back to me. I greeted people, then went to my usual seat. The guy came to sit behind me--it was Doug Cotler! For those who don't know him, he is a soloist at a big synagogue in California, a prolific composer of beautiful Jewish music, such as "Listen" and "Standing on the Shoulders" and many more. I performed with him (with the choir) when he came to Temple Beth Shalom a number of years ago. So I stood up and said, "Doug?" and we started talking. His congregation is here on a trip, and there they were to see a Reform service here.

He taught the congregation "Amar Rabbi Akiva" which I haven't sung in too long. ( I will use it as an opening song sometime soon!) I had the second aliyah, and Doug's whole group came up to do the next! All in all it was a lovely morning, and I talked to everyone during the kiddush, met the rabbi, posed for pictures (feeling a little like Forrest Gump!)

I had a taste of what it will be like at Beit Daniel--a "mecca" for Reform congregations from the US and the rest of the world. Who knows who else I will see?